Coping with grief during holidays and special events

• Grief and loss

Holiday seasons and special events can be intensely challenging times for those of us who are grieving. Celebrations and holidays are often associated with warmth and togetherness, but these occasions can amplify feelings of loneliness, sadness, and even resentment for us grieving folks who feel obligated into celebrating a time that no longer feels joyful.

Grieving during any holiday is not about “moving on” or forcing happiness; it’s about finding ways to coexist with grief amidst the season’s expectations. These celebrations and holidays are never going to be the same as they once were. And this post isn’t a quick fix for your pain and grief, as these things need to be felt and moved through. Instead, we’re offering gentle guidance to help you navigate your experiences during this time.

Be gentle with yourself

Over time, navigating holidays and events will feel different – but please don’t worry if it doesn’t feel ‘better’. Instead, try an expectation of manageable, different or functioning. Those expectations are much more realistic.

It’s okay and healthy to have boundaries

Setting boundaries during these times is important for your overall well-being. Friends and family may encourage you to participate fully in holiday festivities or events—it’s okay, and even wise, to decline invitations if they feel overwhelming or you just don’t have the energy.

Ask yourself, “what do I need right now?”. Based on those needs, decide which gatherings or events you feel comfortable attending. Maybe you’ll find that you don’t want to attend any of them. If you do decide to participate in an event, plan how long you think you can stay and remember that you can leave if it becomes too much.

Having an “exit plan” for social events can be a great strategy, as it allows you to feel that you have a little bit of control in your life; something you may not have felt since your person died.

Taking care of your own needs is not a selfish act, it’s absolutely necessary to your healing work. The people who truly care about you will understand and support your decision, even if they can’t fully understand your grief.

Gift yourself some care, if you can

Even though you’re probably feeling like survival is the best you can do most days, when you can and when you have a bit more energy, incorporating self care techniques during holiday seasons or celebratory times can be very helpful.

Grief is so exhausting, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, so making time to rest, eat well, and find a little movement in your days goes a long way. Taking small, mindful steps to nurture yourself can bring moments of calm into your day (even if they’re brief moments).

If you feel up to it, consider spending time in nature or practicing mindfulness. These simple activities can help ground you and give you a sense of connection and safety within your own body when everything around feels difficult and turbulent.

Remember there isn’t a timeline

Above all, remember that grief doesn’t have a schedule, nor does it take a break for the holidays. Grieving during this season isn’t something to “get through” but rather something to experience in your own way. Honour the feelings that arise, whether they’re of sorrow, anger, or even unexpected moments of joy. The holidays can serve as a time to reflect on the depth of your love and the importance of the relationship you shared with your loved one, keeping them present in spirit and in a way that feels authentic and meaningful for you.

Grief services available through our hospice

Our dedicated grief support team provides compassionate care and guidance to individuals and families coping with loss. You don’t need to have a previous connection to the hospice and can self-refer to our services. If you live in the Etobicoke, Mississauga or West Toronto areas, complete our referral form to access services. Check our events calendar or see below for upcoming webinars and events to support individuals living with grief.