I lost the love of my life to Covid on May 8th. It was a terrible rollercoaster ride for the 5 weeks leading up to Michael’s death. This was in the peak of Covid and Michael had to be transferred out of Toronto to Cambridge Memorial Hospital where both he and I received tremendous care and support.
Somehow when Michael passed I thought the rollercoaster ride was over! Was I ever wrong!! This one was even more violent with greater speed and bigger drops. I was at my cottage alone (my choice) about 8 weeks after Michael passed when the floodgates really opened and I was totally overwhelmed with grief and fear of the future. At that point in time I didn’t really see a future without Michael. That day I knew I needed help. I knew I couldn’t drive home in that state as it’s a 3 hour drive. I don’t have internet but I do have data on my phone and I googled support groups/grief. I wrote down the information and the next morning I made some calls.
My 1st call was to a different source but the minute I said I had a private therapist I was basically told that they couldn’t help me. I was devastated as it took a lot to make that call and say I needed help and I wasn’t doing well. My next call was to Dorothy Ley. I had to leave a voicemail and shortly thereafter I received a call from Mikeala. She spent quite a bit of time listening to me and assured me that they would help me. I can’t begin to tell you what that meant to me. I’ve never felt so lost and alone as I did that weekend.
Michaela explained that the therapist I would be working with was away for the next 2 weeks and would I be okay until then. She gave me the name and phone numbers for resources to help me through. I assured her that knowing that I would be supported by Dorothy Ley would be enough to get me through. Just the fact that she really listened to me and my needs meant the world to me. I can’t thank her enough.
When Kelly got back from her vacation she contacted me and I knew that I was in good hands. I joined the Spousal Support Group that she ran and it was just what I needed. To be able to journey with other women who are going through the same loss was empowering. I learned that my feelings and fears weren’t unique to me nor were they signs of weakness.
I am very fortunate to have Kelly on a one to one basis as well. She has provided me with invaluable tools to navigate my altered path. Kelly has introduced me to Pranita and her programs. I have taken advantage of the distance healing and am now registered for the Self Compassion Circle.
I can’t thank you all enough. I feel that I’m starting to feel alive again.
When I retired nearly 3 years ago I had planned to do some volunteer work with my husband. One month to the day of retirement I injured my back and ended up on bedrest. Then before you knew it Covid hit and the rest is history. I have decided that once things return to the new normal and I feel safe again I would like to give back to Dorothy Ley Hospice by volunteering there.
I decided early on in my grief journey that I was going to go through my grief no matter how painful. I was not going to push it down only to roar it’s ugly head at a later date. I know that this journey is far from over, if it will ever be over but I do know that with the wonderful help I’ve received and continue to receive I will not only survive, I will LIVE.